Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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