we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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