Plan B is the new Plan A
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
