he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
