Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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