i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize