What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
