why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
