You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
