does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
