i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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