Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
