I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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