Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize