Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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