Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
