His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
