im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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