im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
