you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He shit in the fireplace
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Your penis caused this!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
