oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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