Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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