Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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