He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
