check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
