I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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