I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together