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I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
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