oh god the rape fog is back!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me