Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.