the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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