now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
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ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass