i think my tv is drunk
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.