Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.