Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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