I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me