i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
