You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize