My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
