Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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