TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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