Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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