Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize
