That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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