i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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