I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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