I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
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