A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
