Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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