apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
