I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
