There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I want a musical about memes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
