there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You took a bar mat shot.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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