That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We left the knife in your bed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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