youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
