just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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