I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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