DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
