He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't turn off my feet"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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