Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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