Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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