Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize