there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
