I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
