I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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