I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
