when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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