her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
