I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
