Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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