i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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