Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
