She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
