Already got asked if we're dating
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
