Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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