I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
