Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
