worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
