There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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