Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
