Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.