TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible