my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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