We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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