May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Vodka?
Forever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
